


Definitions of Beauty

by sophiewritesandstuff (orphan_account)



Category: Free!
Genre: Gender, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Multi, Reigisa Week, Reigisa week - day 1, Sexual Orientation, romantic orientation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-08 00:30:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3189023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sophiewritesandstuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever since Rei was very young, he had been drawn to beautiful things. Beauty, he learned, had many meanings and came in many forms. Beauty was the sunrise, but it was also the sunset. Beauty was the flowers in springtime, but it was also the falling leaves in autumn. This, he thought, was the start of something more beautiful than anything he had ever experienced, and he was sure it would be his new favourite definition of beauty in no time…<br/>My fic for Reigisa Week day 1, prompt was "Gender"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Definitions of Beauty

Ever since Rei was very young, he had been drawn to beautiful things. Beauty, he learned, had many meanings and came in many forms. Beauty was the sunrise, but it was also the sunset. Beauty was the flowers in springtime, but it was also the falling leaves in autumn. Rei’s favourite definition of beauty, however, was the one he heard his father attach to it when he spoke of his mother.

“Look, Rei, doesn’t mummy look beautiful in her new dress?” he would ask his son as he held him on his hip.

“Yes, yes!” Rei would cry, reaching for his mother, and when his father put him down he would rush over to look at the fabric of the clothing, memorising every stitch and thread. He would look up at his mother, a sparkle in his violet eyes, and she would look back with a smile and a laugh.

 _Yes_ , he would think to himself. _My mother is very beautiful. I wish I was as beautiful as her._

When he voiced that wish one day, shortly before his parents were heading out for dinner with his father’s colleagues, his mother had exchanged a look with his father and then got down to Rei’s height, looking into his eyes.

“My darling, you are beautiful in your own way, and don’t you dare let anyone tell you otherwise. You can be whoever you want to be and you will always be beautiful. Especially to your father and I. You’ll remember that, won’t you sweetheart?”

Rei had nodded fervently, and then the babysitter had arrived and his parents had left for the evening. As soon as the babysitter’s back was turned, Rei had wandered down the hallway into his parents’ bedroom. The bottom drawer inside the wardrobe had not been closed properly, and Rei had been able to slip his hand between the doors and wiggle them open just enough for him to climb inside. His hands had met different fabrics: cotton, silk, wool, and he had touched them reverently, as if they might lose their beauty if handled roughly. Out of nowhere, something had suddenly fallen onto his head, and he had stumbled backwards out of the wardrobe, knocking the doors wide open. He had found that the foreign object on his head was one of his mother’s dresses. He had taken the garment in his hands, remembering the way his mother had looked wearing it.

 _I’ve never seen boys wear dresses…_ he had thought to himself. _Am I allowed to?_

Rei had shot a furtive glance at the doorway to reaffirm his current state of privacy, then slipped the dress over his head with shaking hands. The shoulder straps had nearly fallen right off him, but he stuck his arms out, holding them there. He had turned slowly, and looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes had widened and his mouth had fallen open. He couldn’t believe how different he looked. But somehow, he had thought, he looked right.

“Beautiful…” he had whispered to himself, before a gasp from the doorway had caught his attention.

“Oh my gosh! Aren’t you just adorable, Rei-chan!” the babysitter had cooed as she watched him.

“I’m not adorable, I’m beautiful!” Rei had protested, stamping his foot and clenching his fists by his sides.

“Oh, of course you are! I’m sorry.” She had crossed the room and picked him up, dress and all. “Your dinner’s ready, are you hungry?”

“Yeah!” He had grinned.

“Don’t you want to take mummy’s dress off? I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to get it dirty.”

“No!”

The babysitter had laughed, relenting as she carried Rei out of the room. Rei went to great lengths to eat very carefully to avoid spilling anything on the dress, and when the evening was finally drawing to a close and giving way to night, Rei’s parents had returned. Rei had scrambled off the sofa and held the dress up so as not to step on it as he ran over to his mother.

“Mother, look! I’m beautiful too, just like you said!”

Rei’s mother had smiled from ear to ear, and simply replied, “Yes darling, you are.”

She had taken out the camera and snapped a few photographs, and Rei was more than happy to oblige in posing for photos.

After that, he was never really told by his parents that he couldn’t do certain things ‘because he was a boy’. However, the day before he started school for the first time, his mother and father sat him down to talk to him.

“Rei, darling. You know that we love you very much, and that we want you to express yourself however you see fit. But you have to understand that there are some people in the world who don’t feel the same way that we do. If you think you can handle people being nasty to you for things like what you wear, then we won’t stop you from doing it. But if you’re not ready to make that jump, we’ll be alright with that too. We just want you to be happy and safe.”

Rei was confused. “People… Don’t like it when other people are beautiful?” he asked, bemused.

“Not exactly, sweetheart. There are people who think that some accessories and items of clothing shouldn’t be worn by boys, like skirts, and dresses, and other things.”

“But… I wear those things, mother… Does that mean I’m not a boy?” Rei frowned.

His father shrugged, smiling gently. “Not necessarily. You are whatever you feel you are inside, Rei, no matter what you wear or what your body looks like. If you’re a boy, then you’re a boy. If you’re a girl, then you’re a girl. We love you just the same.”

Rei nodded. “I’ll wear whatever I want to wear! Nobody’s allowed to tell me I’m not beautiful!” he said confidently, pushing his glasses up his nose.

The next morning, Rei pored over his wardrobe and ended up picking out a purple button-down shirt and a green bow tie, and paired it with one of his favourite skirts, which was patterned with green and pink plaid. When he went out to breakfast, his mother and father exchanged glances, and smiled.

“Rei, sweetie, you look lovely. We got you a present for your first day. Here.” His mother handed him a small silk drawstring bag. Rei opened it and upended the bag, his eyes widening as two sparkling pink and purple butterfly hairclips dropped into his outstretched hand.

“Oh mother, they’re beautiful! Th-thank you!” Rei’s violet eyes shone behind the scarlet frames of his glasses, and he ran to the mirror in the hallway, slowly sliding the clips into his hair.

“Your bento is in your new backpack. Are you ready to go?” his father asked him.

“Yes!”

When they arrived at the school, Rei’s parents greeted his teacher and began to converse with her in low voices. Rei left them to it and wandered around the playground.

“Hey, you there!”

Rei heard a voice behind him, and turned his head to see another young boy with olive hair, who was dressed in a simple sweater and jeans. The boy was running towards him.

“H-Hi there! Um… I’m sorry if this is rude, but…” The boy paused, blushing slightly. “Are you a boy… or a girl?”

Rei smiled, putting the boy at ease. “That wasn’t rude at all. I’m actually a boy. I just like wearing some girl’s clothes. I’ve got a pretty girly name too. I’m Rei. Ryugazaki Rei.”

“That’s a nice name! I’ve got a girly name too. My name’s Tachibana Makoto. My friend also has a girly name, his name is Haruka.” The boy smiled back. “I think your outfit is really cute. I hope we can be friends! Haru too! We should all hang out together!”

Rei nodded. Just then, the teacher rang the bell to signal the beginning of school.

“Come on, let’s go. I hope we get to sit near each other, Ryugazaki-kun!”

The two boys ran towards the school building enthusiastically.

* * *

Many years later, and Rei found himself at the doors of his new university in Tokyo, standing next to his now best friends Nanase Haruka and Tachibana Makoto.

“Isn’t this exciting? I’m so glad we all managed to get into the same university!” Makoto enthused, wrapping his arms around his friends’ shoulders and squeezing them closer. “I always knew we’d be friends forever!”

“Stop being so corny, idiot.” Haruka said with a roll of his eyes, though he wound his own arm around Makoto’s waist. “And what’s with all the touching? I thought you weren’t going to come out at university for a few months.”

“Ah, the hell with it! It’s a new start! I can be the real me here! And that means I can kiss my boyfriend whenever I want.” He planted a loud, extravagant kiss on Haruka’s cheek, and Haruka squirmed uncomfortably in his embrace.

“Jeez, Makoto, enough of the PDA.” He grumbled, but the smile spreading across his face betrayed his true opinions.

Rei watched them with a swell of affection. It had taken Makoto a long time to be comfortable being open about his sexuality. When Makoto’s parents had first met Rei, there had been many a raised eyebrow, and Rei had always suspected that the Tachibana family was far more conservative than his own. It had only been confirmed when Rei had asked them one day to use female pronouns when they spoke to him. They had looked very uncomfortable, and instead had stubbornly only referred to Rei by name that day. Rei had tried not to mind. He was sure it was already very confusing to some people that he was experimenting with pronouns other than “he”, and he certainly hadn’t wanted to cause any friction between Makoto and his family. Even when, after months of deliberation and indecision, he had finally come to decide he did prefer male pronouns most of the time (although when he was experiencing particularly bad dysphoria, he would ask Makoto and Haruka to use ‘they’), he never brought the subject up again in the Tachibana household.

He bit his tongue. He let it slide. As long as his friends understood, he knew he would be okay.

“So, I’ve heard this university has an excellent network of LGBT+ support, including a discussion group for individuals in the community.” Rei said softly, looking up at the building.

“Yeah! I picked up some pamphlets about it on my last campus visit.” Makoto replied. “Should we go along?”

“I think it’d be cool to meet some more people like us.” Haruka spoke up.

The three friends exchanged glances, and then finally pushed open the doors and headed into the crowded hallways.

“Rei, if anyone’s staring or whispering, let me know. I’ll give them hell.” Haruka whispered to Rei, and Rei smiled back.

“I’ll be fine, Haru-kun.”

“Hey, that skirt is rad, dude!”

Rei’s head whipped around to try and place the voice, but could only narrow it down to a small group of people heading past them.

“Th-thanks!” he called back, blushing and fiddling with the hem of the aforementioned skirt, which was blue and swung merrily as he walked, just brushing his knees.

“Don’t tell me you’re already pulling on the first day?” Makoto teased gently.

“Oh come on, Mako-kun! It was only a compliment!” Rei retorted, but he blushed harder, and Makoto laughed, squeezing his friend’s shoulder.

“Let’s hurry. We still need to pick up our class schedules.”

* * *

Later that week, on Friday evening, the three friends chatted amicably as they approached one of the smaller university buildings.

“The posters said this was the place.” Makoto said. Suddenly the door swung open, and a face peered out, framed by red hair.

“Hi! Are you here for the LGBT+ meeting?” They nodded. “Well, come on in! I’m Matsuoka Rin, the current LGBT+ group mediator. Since this is the first week, we’ll just be having a casual icebreaking session, so feel free to mingle and chat with the other members.” They all walked into the room, and Rin gestured to the table near the door. “We have name stickers over there that everyone’s wearing tonight, please go ahead and grab one.”

Rei looked at the name tag, a smile spreading across his face at how inclusive it was, and filled it in eagerly.

**_Name:_ ** _Ryugazaki Rei_

**_Sexual Orientation:_ ** _Pansexual_

**_Romantic Orientation (if different):_ ** _––––_

**_Gender identity:_ ** _Genderfluid (amab)_

**_Preferred pronouns:_ ** _he/his (occasionally they/theirs)_

He peeled it from the sheet and stuck it on himself, then took a moment to look around at the other group members. He spotted a red-haired girl, a silver-haired girl, and a blond boy talking over by the snack table, and hesitantly wandered over.

“Um, hi. Are you new to the university too?”

The redhead looked up. “Yes, we are! I’m Matsuoka Gou. Rin is my brother. This is my best friend, Hazuki Nagisa, and our classmate Nitori Ai.” The silver-haired girl waved shyly, and the blond turned to face Rei, and Rei realised just how cute he was. Like, really, really cute. He couldn’t even describe it. And then he smiled, and Rei’s heart missed a beat.

Snapping back to reality, Rei took a moment to scan their name tags.

_Matsuoka Gou, Bisexual, Homoromantic, Cisgender, she/her pronouns._

_Nitori Ai, Asexual, Biromantic, Trans female (amab), she/her pronouns._

_Hazuki Nagisa, Pansexual, Panromantic, Trans male (afab), he/his pronouns._

“Nice to meet you all. I’m Ryugazaki Rei.” He smiled.

“I love your outfit, you look so cute!” Nagisa spoke up, complimenting Rei. Rei blushed.

“Th-thank you.” The green dress with the white peter pan style collar was one of Rei’s favourites, and one he liked to save for special occasions.

“I’ve never met someone who’s genderfluid before. Do you ever experience dysphoria?” Nagisa asked.

“Nagisa-kun! S-sorry if that’s too forward! You don’t have to answer him!” Gou said, looking mortified, and Ai bit her lip nervously, but Rei shook his head with a gentle smile.

“No, it’s okay. I do sometimes, but I’ve personally never felt it strongly enough to want to transition.”

“Oh, you’re so lucky! Mine sometimes makes me want to stay in bed forever!” Nagisa sighed enviously. “I just spend hours wishing I could have a proper flat chest!”

“Nagisa-kun…” Gou sighed, before walking over to talk to her brother. Ai also excused herself and went over to Haruka and Makoto.

“Are you currently transitioning then?” Rei asked, leaning against the table as he chatted to Nagisa.

“Yep! I started HRT just before university. I also got my first binder as a moving-in gift from Gou-chan and Rin-rin, because he insisted Gou-chan and I move in with him and Sou-chan to save money!”

“Sou-chan?”

“Yeah! Yamazaki Sousuke - he’s Rin-rin’s datemate! They’re both asexual, you see, but they’re still sooooo in love! It’s so romantic! He couldn’t be here tonight because he has a part time job at a bar, but he’ll come next time!”

Rei smiled, as he looked over at Haruka and Makoto, who were deep in conversation with Ai.

“Are those your friends?” Nagisa asked Rei.

“Yeah. Tachibana Makoto and Nanase Haruka. Cisgender, homosexual, and hopelessly in love with each other since we were all about seven years old. They’ve been my lifelines all these years, especially when I was experimenting with preferred pronouns and such. I had some pretty nasty bullies when we got to high school, but Haru-kun and Mako-kun were almost like my bodyguards. They ended up in the other class, but would always wait for me between lessons to escort me around to keep the bullies away.”

“Wow. You guys must be super close. Sort of like me and Gou-chan and Rin-rin.”

“Well we all met right on the first day of elementary school. I wore a skirt, and had butterfly clips in my hair, these very ones actually…” Here Rei paused to touch the butterfly clip adorning his hair, and Nagisa looked and nodded appreciatively. “Next think I know Mako-kun comes up and asks me if I’m a boy or a girl.”

Nagisa laughed. “And the rest was history, right?”

“Right.”

Rei looked down at the shorter boy, and they locked eyes suddenly, and Rei felt like everything else was distant, irrelevant. All that mattered was the blond standing before him.

“Um… Hazuki-kun…”

“Please, call me Nagisa!”

“N-Nagisa-kun…” Rei corrected himself. “I know this is sudden… but would you consider… going on a date with me some day? I think you’re r-really b-beautiful…”

Rei stared at the floor, but was shocked when it was obscured from his view by Nagisa, who wrapped his arms around Rei’s waist and hugged him.

“Y-you’re the first person other than Gou-chan to ever call me beautiful as my real gender… Th-thank you…” He looked up into the other boy’s eyes. “I’d love to go on a date with you… Rei-chan.”

“Really?” Rei’s eyes shone with joy, and Nagisa nodded.

“Come on, let’s sit down and talk, I want to know all about you!” Nagisa grabbed Rei by the wrist, dragging him over to the chairs, and Rei couldn’t help but laugh.

“Shouldn’t that wait til we’re on our date?”

“Nope! I can’t wait that long!” Nagisa shot him a winning smile. “You’re just so cute and interesting, I can’t help it!”

Rei blushed profusely. “Nonsense. Y-you’re the cute one, Nagisa-kun.”

Nagisa squealed in joy, hugging Rei again, and Rei grinned from ear to ear.

This, he thought, was the start of something more beautiful than anything he had ever experienced, and he was sure it would be his new favourite definition of beauty in no time…


End file.
